Have you ever tried to get a straight answer out of a 12 year old?
For those of you who are not parents you may not realize how daunting of a task this can be. For those of you who are parents, you may be reminded that sometimes what our children say may not always be consistent with their actions. There are many times when we find ourselves in the space of the 12 year old you, trying to understand why my actions are not lining up with what I say or want to believe. Let’s take a look at how this behavioral pattern manifests.
- Guilt and Shame– If we look at the 12 year example. Kids just like most humans feel guilty about perceived “wrong doing.” The typical reaction is to avoid the issue or deny in order to block these feelings. Unfortunately, avoidance and denial does not eliminate feelings of guilt and shame. It is important to confront hidden issues regardless of how traumatic, in order to place experiences in perspective and begin the process of healing
- Bitterness and Unforgiveness- Issues that are hidden don’t disappear. They simply take root and manifest in the weeds of bitterness and un-forgiveness. The issue needing forgiveness is not exposed, the bitterness will change your point of view, your perspective, and your relationship with others. Forgiveness is necessary to moving forward. Holding on to the pain of the past creates a weight that hinders the future.
- Fear- Fear paralyzes. Confronting difficult experiences can create great fear and anxiety. But, just like any schoolyard bully, fear must be confronted in order to disarm its effects.
I encourage anyone who is struggling with any of the above mentioned points of consideration, to please seek help from a trained professional to assist in walking through this process. Ultimately, real freedom comes when we can unload the heavy weight of the past.
Alicia M. Lurry MA LPC CRC